The gap between fake-ass Rae Sremmurd and fake-tough Migos has finally been bridged.
Jaden Smith has a song called “Batman.” I didn’t know this. It’s the bridge I was talking about. It’s not as fake and clearly derivative as Rae Sremmurd, but also doesn’t go as Joe Budden-disrespecting Migos.
It’s got this whole “Batman, Batman, Batman” rhythm that means nothing and just sounds like “Jumpman” by Drake or the clapback from Kanye West. Or really any other “rap” track released in the United States since 2014.
I don’t even know what to say about this. I’m filled with joy and I love it. I love Will Smith. Now, I love Jaden Smith. What a good-looking kid who’s just all in on being weird and living that silver spoon life. Don’t fight it, just roll with it and make it your own. Well played, Jaden.
Since the song isn’t my jam, but the video is both amazing and on par with the kind of movies that are featured on the How Did This Get Made podcast, I felt compelled to stop everything else I had going on and journal my way through the video experience.
1. Why did Jaden wake up in a field? There could be some kind of exposition here if you’re going far enough to turn this tart of a song into an art-rap video. Then again, if I were the son of a man worth more money than I could employ six people full-time to count, I’d be pissed if dirt touched my Vetements shirt, too.
2. Why is he swearing? How base. The kid has made his mark for being out there. He wakes up with dirty Vetements or Fear of God or whatever and all he can do is drop some cuss words? For shame!
3. You cannot even tell if that is THE Bat Signal.
4. He’s sitting at a table with a drink, but what exactly is he doing and who is the other person in the room? I give up, there are way too many holes in everything about this short film music video.
5. I’m cool with the way he chooses to write his “A,” but why did he write “BATMAN” on the board?
6. A super indicates Jaden Smith is actually Bruce Wayne!
7. Alright, we’ve veered way off course. Bruce Wayne was the heir to a massive estate, yeah? JUST LIKE JADEN SMITH. Wayne was super weird, right? JUST LIKE JADEN SMITH. Wayne loved training for physical combat. JUST LIKE JADEN SMITH. Wayne took himself waaaaaay too serious. JUST LIKE JADEN SMITH. So, time to connect the final dot. Wayne’s parents are dead. WELL, JADEN? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL US ABOUT WILL AND JADA!?! Or perhaps as he becomes an adult, Jaden sees his evolution as a human entity as a shedding of his child-self and thus, he no longer needs his parents (except for their immense wealth) and thus they, as authoritative figures, cease to exist.
8. White. Batman. Outfit. Honestly, the first three seconds where you see him rolling in the car in that suit is three seconds I want to live on in my mind forever. I’m both laughing with and at him. Mostly, with. I really think I like Jaden Smith.
9. I kind of skimmed over the fact that he’s wearing the NMD OGs in this video. Really good sneaker. Good job, Jaden.
10. “Batman, Batman, Batman, heard that you ain’t got a matress.”
11. “Divorce.” I’m starting to go with my theory that Jaden is trying to tell us that his parents are dead. After all, Will and Jada did go to counseling in an effort to save their marriage.
12. I literally don’t have words for how I feel about him wandering about in that white Batman suit. It’s glorious.
13. “Don’t think the album will sell, but this shit might fly off the shelves.” I like the use of “might.” He’s full of weird braggadocio, but is self-aware to the extent that he understands that there is a possibility that it might NOT fly off the shelves.
14. Pouty, arms-folded white suit Batman is my favorite. It’s so good. I wish he would walk around like that for like a full month straight. Really, I can think of about 10 people that I wish would do that. It’s a hot look. It’s a hilarious look.
This rap noir is too short. I need more. And yet, I’m blessed to just have seen and heard this, to have the emotion it inspired well up within my soul.
But yeah, it’s also just a Rae-Migos mashup. And I can’t stop watching.
by Daniel Coughlin